Five

Here is my experience as a student at Circle in the Square Theatre School. 

For those who don’t know me, I am a white-passing Latina. I am extremely proud of my roots and actively celebrate and practice my culture. While my appearance has given way to many identity crises in my life, it has also given me privilege in the ability to be aligned with whiteness both by faculty at the school and the theatre industry in general. Teachers have openly named it an asset to be able to “turn my Latin-ness on and off” and while they meant that in a career context, being a Latina perceived as a White person (initially, at least) afforded me the experience of seeing exactly how I benefited from the system while also being stereotyped by it. 

Possibly the largest offense toward me personally during my time at Circle occurred in a Shakespeare class. Our teacher, Larry Gleason, was speaking to me regarding a text we were reading (I believe it was Measure for Measure). I asked for a clarification, to which his response was, “you probably aren’t getting it because you’re very urban for Shakespeare. You most likely won’t become a Shakespeare actor due to the way you were raised, and that’s perfectly ok.” I won’t even begin to recount how many times I was referred to as “spicy” in various instances. I laughed it off and let myself be stereotyped at times because ignoring it was a better option than attempting to have a conversation about it with an all-white faculty who don’t understand what it’s like to walk in the world questioning their existence based on their skin color or ethnic background, nor did I trust any change to be made from a center of leadership that is widely known to be fearful of making decisions. 

Another enormous problem I want to speak about is the lack of safety. On the first day of my time in the basement, we toured what would be one of our main acting studios. It looked run-down from things that occurred during scene work over the years. Their causes were revisited with pride: multiple patched-up holes that had been punched into walls, brown stains on the ceiling/walls from hot coffee being thrown, set pieces that were cracked or almost broken due to being thrown or toppled or smashed in various ways. The more time I spent at Circle I learned that “the work” was king, and any means necessary of achieving “the work” or a reaction to an actor’s work was accepted. Conversations about safety regarding props, acting choices, and intimacy were rarely had, and certainly not in what was considered our “main” acting class (note: “main” in quotations highlights a large conversation about the faculty conflicts that took a toll on students, which I am happy to talk about at another time). Scene work was allowed to continue regardless of any questionable or dangerous choices made. I watched a male student approach a female student during an exercise and use extremely personal information that she had shared in a previous, out-of-context moment of vulnerability to berate and reduce her to tears. I’ve heard the N-word yelled during class at a Black student during a different exercise. I’ve had multiple metal folding chairs thrown towards my head that, if my reflexes had been just a bit slower, would have hit me in the face. There were countless horrific stories from classes above and below mine that I wasn’t witness to but are equally disturbing. This behavior is not only encouraged, but praised by Circle, and because these methods are so accepted, you’re made to feel inadequate for not participating and in turn feel crazy for just thinking that it may be wrong, which is a form of abuse and gaslighting. 

The reason that things like this happen is because of Circle’s unwillingness to change or evolve in any way. This school was founded in 1961—3 years BEFORE Jim Crow laws were overruled. The school opened in a time where it was legal and socially acceptable to hold whiteness supreme and 59 years later in 2020, Circle’s curriculum still reflects their origins and is run by cisgender white folx—mostly older men—who do not reflect the faces of their students. The vast majority do not currently work in the industry nor seem to have any understanding of what it has evolved to past the 1970s. They don’t seem to even want to familiarize themselves with anything other than what they know. As students we constantly joked about going to school in a time capsule, without realizing the effects it would have on us later. As a woman and as a Latina, I did not feel safe. This environment, so stuck in a dangerous past, became conducive to students directing racist comments at each other such as when a student turned to me while I was eating cut-up watermelon with lunch and saying “wow, what are you, Black?” Or when a Black student was called “colored” by a white student in front of the entire class, and the teacher sat silently watching as WE, the students, educated them on why that was unacceptable. 

One of the main ways that Circle has upheld systemic racism is through their curriculum. In the list of scenes we were allowed to choose from for both in-class work and scene showcase, there were a grand total of 3 plays that were about or reflected Blackness—A Raisin in the Sun, Fences, and Jesus Hopped the A Train. The only scene that reflected Latinx representation was Motherfucker With the Hat. There were 0 plays reflective of API or Indigenous communities. Only 3 were written by women. In a list of 36 total scenes, these 4 were the only ones that BIPOC were represented in. While these are revered works, non-white actors deserve more options to choose from regarding identity than poverty, addiction, and imprisonment. Furthermore, the most current play on our list was published in 2011. This school cannot move forward if they’re not also exploring more recent, relevant works that are actually being published and produced today. It does not prepare its students for work in the current industry; it certainly didn’t prepare me. I’ve spent the last 4 years of my life since graduation trying to build my confidence back up and relearning, because the unhealthy methods of “the work” are rightfully no longer accepted anywhere outside the basement (also, full days without fresh air and sunlight in a worn, dusty basement is not a healthy learning environment). I feel as though I did not grow at all as an actor in anything but my understanding of white works, and upon graduation was unclear how I fit into the theatre industry in relation to anything other than outdated whiteness. I was relieved to find after my first job post-graduation that theatre is teeming with amazing, diverse playwrights and beautiful, nuanced stories. I couldn’t believe that so much time was spent exploring the same handful of plays from the same writers and time periods when the world is filled with playwrights like Karen Zacarías, Lauren Yee, Christina Anderson, Mary Kathryn Nagle, and countless others.

Overall, Circle in the Square Theatre School is a reflection of the broken, outdated, racist Broadway system it resides in. It is an abusive environment that needs to begin transforming immediately. I paid to attend an acting school that barely prepared me for being an actor. We deserve to be treated as relevant, that we belong and that there is a place for us in the theatre—because there is. We’re tired of begging for it, especially from educational spaces such as Circle. We did the work. Will you? 

In solidarity,
Cassandra Lopez
Class of 2016