Fifteen
In conversation with the comedian Dave Chappelle, Dr. Maya Angelou spoke to him on how to handle anger- “You must not be bitter… Let me show you why—bitterness is like cancer; it eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure.” So, in following the words of the great Maya Angelou, I have decided to not be bitter and focus on the facts about my time at Circle in the Square Theatre School.
I only recently learned about the term “token friends,” a superficial effort of diversity or inclusion with a member of a minority group. A dear friend and I went Upstate to support friends in a show, he joked about the two of us being the only token people in this neighborhood, it was then that I learned what tokenism meant. When I first came to Circle it took me a long while to find my community in a group of people with life and cultural backgrounds so different from mine. In my second week at the school I was betrayed by a fellow peer, an experience which I confided to another classmate the day after. I then began to open up to this classmate. One day she eagerly came up to me in the Circle bathroom and asked me to take a selfie with her to send to her mom. Upon taking the photo she excitedly said, “My mom will not believe that I have an Asian friend!” I was surprised by her comment, “diversity” and “cultural melting pot” are the words taught to us about the U.S. I stayed in the frame thinking she wanted more selfies, however, she then said to me “Nah, this one’s just for me.” Gone was my empathy for her :)
“… So, use that anger, yes. You write it, you paint it, you dance it, you march it, you vote it. Everything. You talk it. Never stop talking it.”
During a private lesson my singing technique teacher corrected my pronunciation. We were working on a song from Aladdin entitled “Call Me A Princess”. In the song there’s a line that states: Life’s much too short, and Lord, it’s so taxing ruling these darn third world nations.
Although the lyrics are problematic, it is not the focus of my experience.
The following are my teacher’s comments transcribed from my in-class recording:
“‘Ruling these darn third world nations’ you’re gonna have to work that really hard. You must sound like an out-and-out American in this. I hate to say it, it’s so politically incorrect, but if you sound like you’re from a third world nation, it’s not as funny. I mean it’s like, you know, like if you have any accent whatsoever UNLESS it was British-- (She then attempts to sing the line with a dramatic British accent)—that would work! But Asian is not gonna work—even though you’re obviously China and not a third world nation—but, you know what I’m saying? I fo- I forget where you’re from actually-”
I told her where I was from.
“SO, it’s obviously not (a third world nation). But it’s how stupid Americans would think of it. They’re pretty dumb.”
The fact is, I love learning languages, and I love when people correct my mispronunciations or grammar. Therefore, although taken aback, I tried to find possible justifications as to why she would say what she said: I’m a beginner in this profession. She knows the industry better, but that was it. Her reasoning was irrelevant to her comments about a third world nation as well as Asia. I then thought about her exclusion of the British accent as “any accent whatsoever” and found that to be an odd response since the story took place in a fictional land in the Middle East (Agrabah). How could a British or American accent work in this narrative?
The fact is, a responsible teacher who truly wants to help their students, would. At the very least, they would remember their students’ names and country of origin. 12 months of working together in a basement is more than enough time for anyone to learn these basic facts. This teacher has wonderful teaching methods but is irresponsible with her words in relation to race and politics. I felt patronized. Her ignorance caused me to doubt my abilities as an actor, singer, and English language learner. This should never happen inside the classroom. We may have laughed about it and moved on but, it doesn’t mean I won’t carry that experience with me. Accusing Americans of being dumb doesn’t justify her actions.
— Anonymous